dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
