Welp...herpes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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