At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize