The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
