I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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