Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
