Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
