I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
