This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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