Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
