Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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