Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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