my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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