I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
