i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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