I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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