so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
