Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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