New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
