What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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