I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
