She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
