I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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