Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
