I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
