She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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