Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
