there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
