It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
