we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
