saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
