i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
