I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
