I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
