She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
