If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
