dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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