can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
