I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
