i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
