Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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