Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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