I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
