I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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