what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I looked at my own cervix.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
