i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
