he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
