I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
