Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
