Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
