Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
