Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
