I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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