I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
