So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
