i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
